I'm Sorry Susie
I would like to present the tragic story my ex-hallmate, who for purposes of anonymity, I will refer to as “Susie.” Susie looks like a horse: tall, large nose, long face, trots when she walks (just kidding). She is also orthodox Jewish. Very orthodox Jewish.
Let me describe the first memory I have of Susie. Friday afternoon of NSO. I walk into the girl’s bathroom. Susie is standing there with a confused look on her face. “How do you think you can turn off the lights in here?” she asks. Seeing as they turn on automatically when you enter the room, I reply “You would probably have to tape over the sensor. Why would you want to turn the lights off?” Susie replied, “I am Jewish and on Friday I can’t do any work, including turning on and off the lights.” “Ohh ok,” I said. Then I noticed a large wad of toilet paper by the sink. Susie can’t physically “rip” toilet paper on Saturdays so she rips a lot on Friday afternoon to get by the Sabbath.
Later that night, I returned to the bathroom after a get-together off campus, feeling a little sick to my stomach. I was also slightly disorientated and could not figure out why the lights would not turn on. I vomited on myself. That was my second memory of Susie.
The next Thursday afternoon she taped over the sensor. My roommate (who is Jewish) took the tape off. The following week Susie taped it over again, only this time she also taped a sign to the bathroom door, asking us to not take off the tape “unless we wanted her to go to HELL.” Very dramatic. But it didn’t work because someone still ripped the tape off.
I’m sad to say, but Susie is no longer a member of our hall. She had difficulties with her roommate and college in general. The tape in the bathroom probably also contributed to her frustration. She left us a few weeks ago. I haven’t seen her around campus. I hope she’s OK. I hope she’s not in HELL because of me. Cause Susie I just really want to say I’m sorry. I’ll pee in the dark every Friday night, I’ll puek on myself again, just please come back. We miss you.
Let me describe the first memory I have of Susie. Friday afternoon of NSO. I walk into the girl’s bathroom. Susie is standing there with a confused look on her face. “How do you think you can turn off the lights in here?” she asks. Seeing as they turn on automatically when you enter the room, I reply “You would probably have to tape over the sensor. Why would you want to turn the lights off?” Susie replied, “I am Jewish and on Friday I can’t do any work, including turning on and off the lights.” “Ohh ok,” I said. Then I noticed a large wad of toilet paper by the sink. Susie can’t physically “rip” toilet paper on Saturdays so she rips a lot on Friday afternoon to get by the Sabbath.
Later that night, I returned to the bathroom after a get-together off campus, feeling a little sick to my stomach. I was also slightly disorientated and could not figure out why the lights would not turn on. I vomited on myself. That was my second memory of Susie.
The next Thursday afternoon she taped over the sensor. My roommate (who is Jewish) took the tape off. The following week Susie taped it over again, only this time she also taped a sign to the bathroom door, asking us to not take off the tape “unless we wanted her to go to HELL.” Very dramatic. But it didn’t work because someone still ripped the tape off.
I’m sad to say, but Susie is no longer a member of our hall. She had difficulties with her roommate and college in general. The tape in the bathroom probably also contributed to her frustration. She left us a few weeks ago. I haven’t seen her around campus. I hope she’s OK. I hope she’s not in HELL because of me. Cause Susie I just really want to say I’m sorry. I’ll pee in the dark every Friday night, I’ll puek on myself again, just please come back. We miss you.
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